Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
