yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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