I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
