i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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