i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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