My room smells like vodka and shame
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
