Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
