No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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