The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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