Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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