Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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