I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i will never coherently bang her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
