She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
