I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
