clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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