Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
sex in a hospital.. check
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