I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
