Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
