i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
