She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
