she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
