saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
