there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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