he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
