Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
