I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
