Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
