there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
