Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize