After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
