As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
