so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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