Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dignity is for republicans.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
