just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
