Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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