Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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