we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
