I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
