i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
