She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You pole danced in your parka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
