At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
