I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
