Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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