im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
