Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
