I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
