just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
