we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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