Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
