I need help removing her.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
