I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
