I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
