He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
