Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
