That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize