A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
