The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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