Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize