we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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