I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
