If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
