Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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